When I tasted my first cream puff at 10 years old, I thought I was in heaven. They’re so soft, so fluffy, and tasted so good. So obviously, I kept eating more and more of them. In fact, I kept on eating them until I made myself horribly sick. 10-year-old me was very unwise to think I could consume endlessly without any consequences.  

Our world craves instant gratification. Any product and any feeling can be found right at your fingertips. It is not in our nature, nor is it in our culture to be moderate, patient people. Yet this is not the path that God calls us to. What God calls us to is this: we must be patient and moderate, remembering to seek the best outcome for God’s glory.  

Knowing when to keep going. 

Proverbs 25:15, “By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.” 

“By long forbearing” simply means “by patience.” We cannot expect the best outcome for any situation if we do not approach others with patience in the way that we speak to them.  

In the second part of the verse, Solomon highlights the contrast between soft speech and a strong will. Though the tongue cannot literally break a bone, over time a gentle and conciliatory tongue can break the will of someone who is difficult to persuade.  

Most often, our world teaches us that if you can’t get what you want, you should move on to someone, something, or somewhere else. If you’re not satisfied in every moment and consistently getting what you want, it’s because you’re not in the right place, with the right person, or doing the right thing.  

But God’s wisdom says that sometimes, we need to persevere. We may be able to persuade others, to resolve conflicts, or to come to terms with our situation by “long forbearing.” And in the end, the outcome of our patience may produce greater results that bring greater glory to our God.  

Know when to stop. 

Proverbs 25:16, “Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.” 

If you read this proverb in Solomon’s day, it might catch you off guard. Honey was one of the most wonderful things in their culture. It was their primary sweetener, and a luxury that could not be enjoyed often. It was a good gift for God’s people to enjoy.  

But here, Solomon warns that it’s possible to have too much of a good thing. The wise man is able to discern how much is too much and will be able to stop his consumption before he crosses that line.  

Certainly, this principle goes beyond just honey. Many of us eat without moderation, causing serious health problems in the long run. We also consume entertainment without moderation, always turning to our phones or to the TV when we have even a few moments of nothing else to do. We end up as tired, anxious, and impulsive people because of our lack of self-control. Others of us work without rest, which results in becoming burnt out and frustrated with our work.  

Too much of a good thing destroys the benefit that God intends for it to give. We need to learn when it’s time to stop consuming.  

Know when to leave.  

Proverbs 25:17, “Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.” 

This proverb is very similar to verse 16. In fact, the word for “filled” in v. 16 and “weary” in v. 17 are the same Hebrew word. In this context, it means not just to have your fill but to overflow. It means to go past the line of “too much” and into potentially dangerous territory. Verse 17, then, is an extension of the same principle of moderation.  

This proverb is reminiscent of the common phrase, “familiarity breeds contempt.” If you spend too much time with someone, you may end up causing them to come to despise you. Solomon proposes that it would be better to regulate your time with them so that you do not overstep your bounds or overburden your friend. 

In the long run, it may be better for your relationship if you refuse to overstay your welcome, even with good friends. Being moderate in your relationships can create space for them to grow and improve, and thereby you may increase your opportunities for stronger, godlier friendships.   

Learning this discernment is difficult. We would like to think that we can ascribe to the world’s philosophy of instant gratification, but God calls us to something better. We find better outcomes and be better able to glorify God if we choose to be patient and moderate, both in our consumption and in our relationships with others.  

Questions for Discussion:  

1. Read Proverbs 15:1 and 25:15. Based on these verses, describe someone who is patient in their speech. Why is patient speech important in trying to persuade someone? 

2. Read Proverbs 25:16. What is one area where you struggle with moderation in personal consumption? What steps can you take to seek wisdom in that area?  

3. Read Proverbs 25:17. How might it benefit your friendship with someone to limit the amount of time you spend with them? Knowing that we still need strong, consistent friendships (c.f., Prov. 27:17), how do we balance this moderation with the pursuit of friendship?  

4. Read 2 Timothy 3:16-17. Where can we turn if we want to know how to learn this kind of discernment?